1. DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get door opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with fore paws. Once door is opened it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered an "outside" door opened, stand half-way in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be avoided at all costs. 2. CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on carpet make sure you back up so that it is as long as humans bare foot. 3. BATHROOMS: Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything- just stare. 4. HAMPERING: If one of your humans is engaged in some close activityand the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping", otherwise known as "hampering". Following the rules for "hampering": A) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of cook. You cannot be seen and have a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted. B) For book readers, get in close under chin, between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book itself. C) For knitting projects or paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate mannerso as to obscure as much of the work or at least the most important part. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or knitting needles. The worker may try to distract you; ignore it. Remember, the aim is to hamper work. Embroidery and needle point make great hammocks despite what the humans tell you. D) For people paying bills (monthly activity) or worknig on income taxes or Christmas card (annual activity), keep in mind the aim-- to hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push pens, pencils and erasers off table one at a time. E) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on back of paper. They love to jump!! 5.WALKING: As often as possible, cart quickly and as close as possible in front of human, especially: on stairs when they have something in their forearms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills. 6)BEDTIME: Always sleep on the human at night so he cannot move around
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