Help with grief. . .

[snorko4]

I took my 7 month old kittens (brother and sister) in yesterday to have them spayed and neutered. My little Lily died after surgery very unexpectedly. The vet did an autopsy and found that she had a heart problem, and most likely she would have died within the next few months or at least begun to get very sick. I have had pets my whole life but am having an especially hard time with this one. I can't stop crying and had to call in sick to work. I feel bad that the last moments she had were stressfull ( getting her into the box to go to the vet, etc.) I also have a question on how to deal with her brother. I'm bringing him home this morning. I am planning to bury Lily this afternoon. Should I let Sam smell her before I do that or what? Does anyone have advice on how to help Sam deal with the loss?

Thanks for any responses!!
Trisha

[Squawksx3]

Hello Trisha and welcome to the board.

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Its always hard to lose something so precious. Please dont feel bad, God has a plan for all his creatures and it was time for your kitten to be with him. Sam will be fine, he's young and will bounce back. Its up to you if you want him to see her before you bury her, but I dont see the need. You have each other to comfort. Best of luck to you.

[krazy4birds]

I agree with squawksx3. That is very good advice. God bless you and your little one

[dlaura]

That makes two of us who agree with Jan (Squawksx3). Is it the time of year or what............... there seem to be quite a few people here who have lost a pet recently. My sympathies to all. However, remember that this a place you can come and share your grief and receive compassion in return.. No one here will ever say...............Geez, it was just a...........

[snorko4]

I brought Sam home and he's doing ok. He's just walking all over the house looking for his sister and crying. He has eaten though, so I'm glad about that. I wonder how long until he's back to normal? Anyway, thanks for the advice. Thanks for listening. It's nice finding a place where people love their animals as much as I do. They really are family and it's hard to find others that believe that. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers. .
Trisha

[originalfatc]

Now I would disagree respectfully about letting the brother see the body. In my exerience with many dogs and cats, it is better for them if they realize their friend is gone.

Three years ago our cat Todd died during surgery. We took him directly to be buried. His half brother Joey went wild, for 5 weeks he wailed, called and searched. All he knew was Todd was sick, Todd left, and Todd never came back.

When our old dog had to be euthanized years ago, we had her cremated. My other dog was with me when I picked up her ashes. He sniffed the box, yelped, and started recovering then.

I would let the one see the other if it was possible.

[Squawksx3]

Well, I'm wondering how much a young cat would understand?.
Will they know why the body is lifeless and stiff.. or why you are putting it in the ground?. I believe animals do grieve, will they grieve any less if they see the body of a housemate?. Thats amazing your dog actually knew the ashes of your other dog. I would've never thought.

[originalfatc]

I don't know if you'd call it understanding, exactly. Or maybe they understand more than us. It's like they accept and grieve quitely.

Yes, it is amazing about their sense of smell. He never looked back nor looked for her anymore.

Another instance, we had 2 dogs, 3 cats at that time, one cat dashed out one day and was immediately struck by car.

Horrible thing, we brought her body in to put in box for burial. Each of the others approached, sniffed her, it was like a funeral service. They all accepted faster that I did!

[rosebud47522]

I am so sorry to hear of your grief, there are no easy answers. Do what you feel to do. Go with your gut feelings, and you will never go wrong.

Good Luck with your little kitty, Just be kind and loving.

[snorko4]

Hi everyone,

It has been a couple of weeks now, and I did end up bringing Lily home for Sam to "say goodbye" to. Before I brought her home, Sam would not sleep. He kept watching the door. When I brought her in, he sniffed her, then cleaned her face, and then he walked away. He then went in to my bedroom and went to sleep. I think I made the right choice. It was very amazing to watch his reaction. He is doing well. A little neurotic, but doing well overall. I still miss my little girl terribly but it gets a little easier every day. Thanks all for your responses. . .
Trisha

[originalfatc]

I am very glad it helped Sam to say "goodbye", I'm sure it made you feel better too. It never exactly gets easier, just furthur away and we accept it.

[dlaura]

snorko4 / trishia
Goldy, one of the office cats is laying on my desk with one paw on my arm as she is busily cleaning herself. She is a most unusual cat as she is interested in everything I do and will keep my company all day (if I let her) as I work on the computer. Sometimes I have to put out in shop though - as it is hard to get work done when she lays on keyboard.

This brought you to mind and I was wondering how you and Sam are doing? I hope it is getting easier to remember happier times.

[snorko4]

Thank you so much dsimko for your thoughts. Sam is doing pretty well. He likes to lay on the keyboard too. I have to lock him out of the room occasionally as well. We should introduce Sam and Goldy. I still have a hard time occasionally. I miss Lily, but it is so refreshing to watch Sam play and just be his normal self again. I am considering getting him a kitten so that he can have company though. I work 12 hour shifts and I know he gets lonely. We'll see. . . gotta get through the holidays first!! Have a good Christmas. . . Thanks again for the thoughts. It's nice to have other people who love their animals as much as I do. Talk again soon!
Trisha