minismom
12-27-2005, 03:48 PM
Don't we wish they could read!!!
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched
out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
Socks are for people. They are not a toy. Stop hanging out by the dryer trying to steal one when I do laundry.
- Yes, I know you want to go for a walk. I already took you for one today. It is not necessary to bug me at the computer and flip my hand off the mouse with your snout.
- I know you like to swim. It is kind of cute in the summer. When it is December and you jump in the pool, you do not need to run up right next to me when you shake the frigid water out of your coat.
- A tennis ball is to be fetched. While skinning the fuzz off of it like plucking a chicken may be an impressive skill, I am not amused and don't enjoy cleaning up the mess.
The toilet paper roll is not a toy, neither are the contents of any and all garbage cans. Even though you think the paper is fun to play with and apparently tastes very good, I do not enjoy cleaning up the mess you make.
The coffee table is not a chair. I know sometimes you think you are a cat and it is your domain, but I do not let your daddy (my husband) put even his feet up on the coffee table so why would I let you lay down on it.
Pencils are for writing, not for eating. If I try to take it from you, do not give me that cute, pouty look. It does not work.
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Dogs and cats are better than kids ...they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college - and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched
out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
Socks are for people. They are not a toy. Stop hanging out by the dryer trying to steal one when I do laundry.
- Yes, I know you want to go for a walk. I already took you for one today. It is not necessary to bug me at the computer and flip my hand off the mouse with your snout.
- I know you like to swim. It is kind of cute in the summer. When it is December and you jump in the pool, you do not need to run up right next to me when you shake the frigid water out of your coat.
- A tennis ball is to be fetched. While skinning the fuzz off of it like plucking a chicken may be an impressive skill, I am not amused and don't enjoy cleaning up the mess.
The toilet paper roll is not a toy, neither are the contents of any and all garbage cans. Even though you think the paper is fun to play with and apparently tastes very good, I do not enjoy cleaning up the mess you make.
The coffee table is not a chair. I know sometimes you think you are a cat and it is your domain, but I do not let your daddy (my husband) put even his feet up on the coffee table so why would I let you lay down on it.
Pencils are for writing, not for eating. If I try to take it from you, do not give me that cute, pouty look. It does not work.
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Dogs and cats are better than kids ...they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college - and if they get pregnant, you can sell the children.